An Objective Scale of Bitchiness
Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:56 pm
A lot of questions have been discussed on these forums. What is canon? Is Dirk right to do what he does? Will Johnrezi ever happen? And yet, nobody has asked the most important question of all:
Who is the bitchiest of them all?
To answer this question, I've come up with a completely objective and real scale to determine exactly how bitchy, on a scale of 1-10, everybody is. (spoiler alert: it's Vriska)
Before I begin, I'd like to note that bitchiness is not at all related to value as a character. People can be bitchy for good reason.
Kids
Trolls:
Alpha Kids:
Dancestors:
Guardians:
Sprites:
Exiles:
Other:
If you think one of these ratings are wrong, let me know. I'm probably forgetting something.
Also I basically did this all in like 30 minutes and didn't bother comparing them really so take this with a grain of salt.
Also if I feel like it I might do this for friendsim and beyond canon dudes.
Who is the bitchiest of them all?
To answer this question, I've come up with a completely objective and real scale to determine exactly how bitchy, on a scale of 1-10, everybody is. (spoiler alert: it's Vriska)
Before I begin, I'd like to note that bitchiness is not at all related to value as a character. People can be bitchy for good reason.
Kids
Spoiler
Show
John: Starting it off low, John is a solid 1.3. He's close to as little of a bitch as one can be. He's always nice and chill, coming off as a little awkward even when arguing with someone. I will include an important caveat in that interlude when it's his birthday and he's watching whatever movie and then goes and fights Tavros for the ring he jumps up to a 6.7.
Rose: 3.4. Rose is clearly more of a bitch than John, but she's still pretty low. She's pretty chill most of the time, but sometimes pushes on people to much. Which is kind of a weird way to phrase what I mean, but yeah.
Dave: 2.6. Dave isn't very bitchy, generally. Sometimes he'll, like get a bit bitchy with his quiet muttering.
Jade: 1.2. Just a bit less than John. Can't think of much else to say.
Rose: 3.4. Rose is clearly more of a bitch than John, but she's still pretty low. She's pretty chill most of the time, but sometimes pushes on people to much. Which is kind of a weird way to phrase what I mean, but yeah.
Dave: 2.6. Dave isn't very bitchy, generally. Sometimes he'll, like get a bit bitchy with his quiet muttering.
Jade: 1.2. Just a bit less than John. Can't think of much else to say.
Spoiler
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Aradia: 6.5 when she's dead and mysterious then 5.3 when she becomes death fangirl.
Tavros: 4.7 Annoying, but that only bumps him up so far.
Sollux: 6.8. He's cool, but also a bitch.
Karkat: 9.2. Obvious. Karkat is a huge bitch.
Nepeta: 2.1. Cinnamon roll. Not a bitch in the slightest.
Kanaya: 4.1. Meddler.
Terezi: 4.7. Eh idk with her desu.
Vriska: 10. Vriska is a bitchy as a person can get.
Equius: 6.6. Bitchy about hemospectrum crap.
Gamzee: 3.5. Murderstuck, oddly enough, didn't feel like it actually increased his bitchiness.
Eridan: 8.6. Huge bitch.
Feferi: 2.2. Nice. Only that high because of the one or two times she gets annoyed. Which is valid mostly desu.
Tavros: 4.7 Annoying, but that only bumps him up so far.
Sollux: 6.8. He's cool, but also a bitch.
Karkat: 9.2. Obvious. Karkat is a huge bitch.
Nepeta: 2.1. Cinnamon roll. Not a bitch in the slightest.
Kanaya: 4.1. Meddler.
Terezi: 4.7. Eh idk with her desu.
Vriska: 10. Vriska is a bitchy as a person can get.
Equius: 6.6. Bitchy about hemospectrum crap.
Gamzee: 3.5. Murderstuck, oddly enough, didn't feel like it actually increased his bitchiness.
Eridan: 8.6. Huge bitch.
Feferi: 2.2. Nice. Only that high because of the one or two times she gets annoyed. Which is valid mostly desu.
Spoiler
Show
Jane: 3.7. Idk.
Roxy: 2.4. Pretty chill practically all the time?
Jake: 4.6. He may not seem like it at first glance, but there's a mild bitch hiding under those flashy hope powers.
Dirk: 4.8. I might be unintentionally influenced by epilogue Dirk here, I'm not sure.
Roxy: 2.4. Pretty chill practically all the time?
Jake: 4.6. He may not seem like it at first glance, but there's a mild bitch hiding under those flashy hope powers.
Dirk: 4.8. I might be unintentionally influenced by epilogue Dirk here, I'm not sure.
Spoiler
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Damara: 9.6. Huge bitch.
Rufioh: 5.7. Low key he kind of annoys me so I'm not gonna call this one objective necessarily.
Mituna: 1.3. A cinnamon roll. desu though it's more like a 4.2, I just don't like it.
Kankri: 7.1. Bitch is a bit of a triggering word.
Meulin: 1.4. Cinnamon roll also. Deserves better. Very little bitchiness.
Porrim: 3.6. Low key she kind of annoys me so I'm not gonna call this one objective necessarily.
Latula: 3.9. Kind of but also not really.
Aranea: 7.1. She doesn't talk like a bitch, but she is one nonetheless.
Horuss: 4.3. It's not on purpose, it just kind of happens.
Kurloz: 4.5. Despite being evil, he's pretty chill.
Cronus: 7.3. Thinks he's not a bitch but is.
Meenah: 8.6. A huge bitch, but in a cool way.
Rufioh: 5.7. Low key he kind of annoys me so I'm not gonna call this one objective necessarily.
Mituna: 1.3. A cinnamon roll. desu though it's more like a 4.2, I just don't like it.
Kankri: 7.1. Bitch is a bit of a triggering word.
Meulin: 1.4. Cinnamon roll also. Deserves better. Very little bitchiness.
Porrim: 3.6. Low key she kind of annoys me so I'm not gonna call this one objective necessarily.
Latula: 3.9. Kind of but also not really.
Aranea: 7.1. She doesn't talk like a bitch, but she is one nonetheless.
Horuss: 4.3. It's not on purpose, it just kind of happens.
Kurloz: 4.5. Despite being evil, he's pretty chill.
Cronus: 7.3. Thinks he's not a bitch but is.
Meenah: 8.6. A huge bitch, but in a cool way.
Spoiler
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Dad Egbert: 1. Dad has not a single ounce of bitchiness in him.
Mom Lalonde: 5.7. Pretty bitchy.
Bro Strider: It's pretty hard to be a bitch while also being a coolkid. 3.9 despite the fact that he sucks.
Grandpa Egbert: 5.5. desu child negligence is pretty bitchy.
Mom Lalonde: 5.7. Pretty bitchy.
Bro Strider: It's pretty hard to be a bitch while also being a coolkid. 3.9 despite the fact that he sucks.
Grandpa Egbert: 5.5. desu child negligence is pretty bitchy.
Spoiler
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Nannasprite: 3.8, give or take half a point. Pretty cool.
Jaspersprite: 1. Jasper is cinnamon roll.
Davesprite: 7.1. Pretty dang bitchy.
Jadesprite: 3. Mildly bitchy.
Tavrissprite: NEI.
Fefetasprite: 1.2.
Jasprosesprite^2: 6.9. (Nice)
Arquiusprite: 5.8. Bitch but also not bitch.
Erisolsprite: 9.9. Pretty bitchy.
Davepetasprite^2: 3.2. Low bitch. retty much
Jaspersprite: 1. Jasper is cinnamon roll.
Davesprite: 7.1. Pretty dang bitchy.
Jadesprite: 3. Mildly bitchy.
Tavrissprite: NEI.
Fefetasprite: 1.2.
Jasprosesprite^2: 6.9. (Nice)
Arquiusprite: 5.8. Bitch but also not bitch.
Erisolsprite: 9.9. Pretty bitchy.
Davepetasprite^2: 3.2. Low bitch. retty much
Spoiler
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WV: 1.1. Cinnamon roll.
PM: 2.1. Pretty cool. Dedicated to mail.
AR: 4.6. Overly concerned about the law.
WQ: 2.4. Chill.
SS: 8.8. Pretty dang bitchy.
CD: 2.1. Eh.
DD: 4.1. Eh.
HB: 6.1. Eh
Snowman: 7.2. I trust Slick's judgement.
Ms. Paint: 2.7.
PM: 2.1. Pretty cool. Dedicated to mail.
AR: 4.6. Overly concerned about the law.
WQ: 2.4. Chill.
SS: 8.8. Pretty dang bitchy.
CD: 2.1. Eh.
DD: 4.1. Eh.
HB: 6.1. Eh
Snowman: 7.2. I trust Slick's judgement.
Ms. Paint: 2.7.
Spoiler
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Auto Responder: 6.5 Dirk was a huge bitch at 13.
Probably some other dudes I'm forgetting desu: [shrug]
Me: 9.89, only a huge bitch could make a ranking like this.
Probably some other dudes I'm forgetting desu: [shrug]
Me: 9.89, only a huge bitch could make a ranking like this.
Also I basically did this all in like 30 minutes and didn't bother comparing them really so take this with a grain of salt.
Also if I feel like it I might do this for friendsim and beyond canon dudes.