Hot Date

[calamityCons]

Joe: Plan A clearly didn't work. Let's try to convince the guard nearby to let you go.

[5 - Success]
The GUARD nearby gets you out of your cell! But be warned, the other guards and INMATES will be watching you carefully and as soon as they realize you're pulling a JAILBREAK you'll be in some hot water!

Shit, that was a massive failure.
>Ben and Venus: send the high priest of your religion a message telling them to preach that everyone must do whatever we say and that we will only send him visions. So if anyone else clams that they reserved a vision from us they are lieing.

[2 - Failure]
Your ASTRAL MESSENGER dropped your message in the GHOST WATER and couldn't read the instructions clearly. Now the only way for anyone in the material plane to contact you is if they SPECIFICALLY MAKE A RESERVATION. Nobody knows how to do this, nor do they receive the memo, because nobody is a GHOST yet.

[TH4NK YOU B3N]

I thought you said Axe was on fire? Nvm.

[calamityCons]

Axe's fire happened in the same post, so the commands essentially happened simultaneously. And also, the lack of dried dates being there is the primary reason they couldn't do anything to help Axe out.

[egg]

Axe: Retreat to your INCEL MANCAVE and wear some DARK ROBES. Your reign of terror is not yet over. You attempt YET ANOTHER DARK RITUAL - this time it will divert an asteroid near Earth to go on a collision course with the NEARBY VILLAGE.

[calamityCons]

Axe: Retreat to your INCEL MANCAVE and wear some DARK ROBES. Your reign of terror is not yet over. You attempt YET ANOTHER DARK RITUAL - this time it will divert an asteroid near Earth to go on a collision course with the NEARBY VILLAGE.

[2 - Failure]
You can't make it to your INCEL MANCAVE because it has been DESTROYED IN THE WILDFIRE. You don't have DARK ROBES so you wrap yourself in a LIGHT BLANKET from the ashes of your destroyed MOUNTAIN HOME. You cannot do your DARK RITUAL because your RITUAL ARTIFACTS have burned in the fire.

Axe now has +1 Warmth from their new blanket robe!

[MP the OP OG]

Shity ghost. Can't do shit right.
>Ben and Venus: Summon an Angel to the metiral plane to do your bidding their

[calamityCons]

Shity ghost. Can't do shit right.
>Ben and Venus: Summon an Angel to the metiral plane to do your bidding their

[6 - Overwhelming Success]
You summon an ANGEL in the Material plane! This Angel is made of fire, eyes, and wings, and commands attention and respect wherever it goes. It wields a MYSTICAL SWORD and follows all of your commands!

[MP the OP OG]

Success! Now we're talking, Maby being a god isn't so shity after all
>Ben and Venus: have the angel go to the most prominent world leader and commands them to do whatever it says!

[Kidpen]

Joe: Attempt to more specifically define the win condition of this gosh danged adventure, ie, taking over the world.

[calamityCons]

Success! Now we're talking, Maby being a god isn't so shity after all
>Ben and Venus: have the angel go to the most prominent world leader and commands them to do whatever it says!

[1 - Epic Failure]
The angel appears to the VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, but because JOE was impeached and didn't specify who he was running with in his campaign, that means the vice president is NOBODY. The angel just sort of talks to the Senate for a while before giving up because it doesn't understand politics.

Joe: Attempt to more specifically define the win condition of this gosh danged adventure, ie, taking over the world.

To take over the world, you must be in control of the entire planet. All nations must dissolve under your exclusive rule, all laws must be dictated by you, and there should be no active REBELLION on the planet. Whether the MOON counts or not is to be determined by gameplay choices. Right now, nobody is on the moon to begin with, which means the moon is disqualified from counting. If, however, through PLAYER ACTION there comes to be somebody living on the Moon, you have to get them to accept your rule, too.

Hope that's specific enough!

[Sokota]

> JOE MONTANA: Run a QB Sneak play with yourself to escape the prison without being detected.

[MP the OP OG]

Fucking burrucrisy, am I right? Of course I'm right, I'm allways right.
>Angel: convince the leader of Russia to bow to your godly commands
Good Idea, Russians have the power of Nukes Comunisim, vodka, hardbass, and Adidas. They are sure to make a great starting point

[egg]

Axe: Be inspired by the sight of the angel and attempt to summon an EQUALLY POWERFUL DEMON!

[VASKA]

>BE ANITA HOARCE

You are Anita Hoarce, and you need a horse.

>SEEK THE STABLES

[calamityCons]

> JOE MONTANA: Run a QB Sneak play with yourself to escape the prison without being detected.

[3 - Partial Failure]
You successfully manage to do a QB Sneak play, but unfortunately the prison runs on PRISON RULES and not SPORTS RULES, and the security cameras detect you. An alarm is sounded and you're being pursued!

>Angel: convince the leader of Russia to bow to your godly commands

[6 - Overwhelming Success]
The current leader of Russia, VLADIMIR PUTIN, has acquiesced immediately to the angel. He gives the Angel power over all of Russia, and also all Russian expatriat territories and to the countries previously occupied by Russia. These countries initially resist for a few minutes before realizing a Literal Fucking Biblical Angel is the one making the demands and they all go "Oh shit" and give your Angel all power over their countries.

You now control an area called THE FORMER SOVIET UNION! You are on track to TAKING OVER THE WORLD!

Axe: Be inspired by the sight of the angel and attempt to summon an EQUALLY POWERFUL DEMON!

[6 - Overwhelming Success]
Finally, after multiple failed RITUAL MAGIC attempts, you get ALL THE GOOD SHIT and ALL THE RIGHT PLACES and TIME YOUR RITUAL JUST RIGHT in order to summon an all-powerful, interdimentional demon.

You are now the sole controller and leader of CTHULHU AND THE ELDER GODS! Countries tremble at your might and you get an entire island full of Dark Gods at your disposal. Because all those Dark Gods follow Cthulhu and Cthulhu follows Axe, this means Axe is now a SUPERIOR FORCE against the ANGEL OF BEN AND VENUS.

>SEEK THE STABLES

[1 - Epic Failure]
You don't find a single fucking horse or stable because you are TEMPORALLY DISPLACED! You are lagging behind reality at 3 minutes per second, which accumulates to the point that everything you think you see or can manipulate is actually SEVERAL WEEKS AHEAD OF YOU. You can see a horse WILL be in such-and-such spot in like, two weeks, but you can't do shit with the horse because your ability to interact with things must have happened TWO WEEKS AGO, and it's a really frustrating state of existence. Anita will need to find a way to synchronize her body with the reality around her before she can do anything of consequence.

[egg]

Axe: Send a couple of your forces, though not the strongest ones, to fight the angel. You know, to test your abilities.

[MP the OP OG]

Ben and Venus can sense the energy of the demon from their place in the astral plane. "Holy shit. Looks like I'll have to deal with some ocolt shit now. He telapathicly specks with the angel "Yo, Angelo someone's summoned a demon, so I need you to launch the nuclear missiles at it." As the angel prepares to launch a NUCLAR BARAGE at the demon Ben and Venus bless the nukes with HOLY ENERGY.
So in summary the action for this turn is
>Angel: launch the blessed nukes at the eldrich abomination summoned by Axe

[VASKA]

ANITA: UTILIZE ANCIENT ESOTERIC BUDDHIST MANTRAS TO ALTER THE QUANTUM STATE OF YOUR ATOMS, SYNCHRONIZING YOU WITH NORMAL TIME

[calamityCons]

Axe: Send a couple of your forces, though not the strongest ones, to fight the angel. You know, to test your abilities.

[1 - Epic Failure]
Axe's less-than-strongest forces get lost partway through and go on a riveting romantic comedy adventure when they all fall in love with THE SAME DOLPHIN. They proceed to have a feature length film's quantity of SHENANIGANS in BRAZIL for the next several hours.

>Angel: launch the blessed nukes at the eldrich abomination summoned by Axe

[5 - Success]
The BLESSED NUKES have been launched at the ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS currently having their ROMANTIC ESCAPADE! They will hit ground in [1] TURN!

ANITA: UTILIZE ANCIENT ESOTERIC BUDDHIST MANTRAS TO ALTER THE QUANTUM STATE OF YOUR ATOMS, SYNCHRONIZING YOU WITH NORMAL TIME

[4 - Partial Success]
You've done it! You've utilized the ANCIENT ESOTERIC BUDDHIST MANTRAS to SYNCHRONIZE YOURSELF WITH NORMAL TIME! However, the world around you is currently PAUSED as you are still moving a touch too fast to ground yourself properly. You'll finish resynchronizing in [2] TURNS! In the meanwhile, you will be UNAFFECTED by anything that happens next turn.

[egg]

>Demons: Produce a sexy sexy demon-dolphin hybrid baby.