Terezi Pyrope's Impendingly Premortem Homestuck Strategy Guide (canonjump enabled)

[TantamountTurnabout]

Your name is Terezi Pyrope. Every one of your friends and allies is either dead or compromised. Luckily a familiar blue idiot just teleported out of space and time to let you know that he's got the power to change canon at will, without the consequences of time travel. This means you can change this, you can fix this, you can fix, Everything.
The question is, How.

So I keep wondering over what other things Terezi could have changed with John, to have given themselves an even greater advantage. Finding a way to navigate between events that were necessary for their story to happen, and what got in the way and held them back. Nothing about this is canon, so there's no wrong answers, but I think it's fun try and think of solutions that fit best within the canon as we understand it; either fitting with the mechanics, theme, or characters. As another goal, maybe trying to accomplish this with as little or as small a changes as possible (reason being, the more instructions for john, the more he might goof something up, or the more unknown variables get introduced into the Seer of Mind possibility web).
There's lots of different ways to make for a more advantageous position too. Get to the final battle with more teammates alive or even all of them (through avoiding their deaths or resurrection mechanics), find ways to empower individuals already at play (or provide superior strategy since you know exactly what the opposition is planning, having just lived died through it yourself.) nudge the scales on battles with major adversaries (but not so much that it's noticeable or allies lose out on experience or necessary challenge).

[TantamountTurnabout]

Strategy: Just redo the boss fight, knowing what went down the first time

Pros: Least amount of adjustment necessary, no big loss outside of everybody getting their asses handed to them and falling over. You get to go in with a pretty comprehensive idea of What Goes Down under normal circumstances.

Cons: Probably gonna take a bit more than strategy alone to overcome those odds. Opponents? Numerous and Incredibly powerful. Allies? Not at peak condition, and John alone probably isn't gonna be enough to get them into shape.

actually you know what this one's probably a wash.

[TantamountTurnabout]

Strategy: Restock Troll Squad with Res mechanics:
This lets you preserve the incidents on the meteor, which might otherwise be messy to interfere with, and gives us rainbow drinker kanaya, in case that comes with powers outside of, uh, super healing and bioluminescence, I think. You get to restock the roster with a whole bunch of powerful allies, including a god tier Vriska. The characters being dead for so long lets them work out their Emotional Problems in the relatively safe space of the dream bubbles, and maybe become a bit more cohesive upon reuniting in the alpha sburb session. More volatile members like Eridan or Vriska might chill out a bit. It's not necessarily a sure thing, since the boss fights are still pretty up there in scale and ability, but it provides for mote options and variables at least.

Method: Multiple
1:Get the bodies to God Tier Jane
Probably not too hard because corpses can be captchalogued. Tricky to avoid sneaking them away from Gamzee without him catching on, but if they get a little goofed u, there's probably some sort of healy magic somewhere in the dream bubbles that can patch them up. Maybe a time god tier can rewind them to when they were intact. Jane didn't seem to have any limitations about resurrecting, outside of only having one per person. Technically you could also pick and choose who to bring back or not by your own discretion.

Pros: pretty simple instruction, leaves Most of the timeline intact, gives the alpha kids an opportunity to socialize with someone besides themselves,
Cons: Not enough power to make victory a sure thing, more people means more opportunities for things to go off the rails again, team dynamic won't have a lot of time to sync up, you've got a bunch of 16 year olds dealing with 13 year olds who have been wandering the afterlife for an unknowable amount of time, so the social dynamic might be, off.

[TantamountTurnabout]

Strategy: Restock Troll Squad with Res mechanics:
Method: Multiple

2: Stop the meteor crisis from going down in the first place
Now this one's a bit trickier. It's already pretty clear that the troll kids are only a few small incidents away from going full lord of the flies, and managing to keep them from snapping for long enough to make it to the final battle is kinda tricky. Not to mention it could throw off a bunch of other canonical events (they're in communication with the beta kids during the crisis after all), but uncharted canonical territory isn't necessarily bad, just unknown.

Strat: unplug gamzee's computer before dave sends him into a homicidal death spiral
kicks the can of Gamzee's instability without sopor slime down the road, which might be handled better, or might not, but the fewer murder clown rampages the better, I think. Pretty easy to do without being spotted, and Gamzee's unlikely to take swift action I think.

Strat: Leave a letter from the future
Have John write something to the kids encouraging them to stick it out. The content wouldn't be what matters (though we know how john writes letters), so much as giving the trolls something to work towards again. Though Eridan was the first to really snap with this, the other trolls kind of assumed that they were doomed at that point, just waiting around to die, devoid of hope. This might give them just enough to bother sticking around for. If the troll's session proves suggests one thing, it's that when these friends feral teens have a common goal they can might have the potential of working together despite their differences going at least fifteen minutes without killing each other. Course now you've got a bunch more stuff to account for, keeping Bec Noir from finding them, keeping Vriska from finding Bec, any number of other things which could set off tensions between then and Rose and Dave arriving. Though I bet Rose would be more than happy to play therapist when she does (Honestly could write a Thesis on the neuroses of these wild ass teens)

Strat: just leave john there.
It's hard to be mad when john's around. He's like an emotional heat sink. It's not like you feel better? It's just there's this weird dweeb hanging around so it's like, the vibes are just off. ugh. Also he's god tier and can turn into wind so he's basically invincible. He's like the camp counselor I guess?

[TantamountTurnabout]

Strategy: Restock Troll Squad with Res mechanics:
Method: Multiple

part 2

Strat: God Tier Moon Beds
Alright this is swinging for the fences here. We (doomed rezi included) don't really know if there are always quest beds in the moon's for each player. Prior to Aradia, we didn't know there were any. It seemed to me like it was a sort of destiny thing? Where they'll only be there if they're Needed. But, considering the dream beds were present for Rose and Dave and all four of the alpha kids it's not too much of a stretch, I think, to assume the full set is available on any moon. If John could get the troll's living dreamselves to their respective quest beds, that might let them all reach god tier when the moons are destroyed by Bec Noir.
This one has a lot more of a high challenge high reward. A lot of unknowns (how do you Find the beds, do the beds exist how do you get the trolls there, or their bodies their before they permadie, What Happens To Someone If Their Dreamself Dies On The Bed does the waking self god tier, does the waking self die, do they both live and you get, like, doubles?) but a Huge degree of power on your side. Also limited immortality? Always good to have in a fight.
Also you skirt around missing out on Kanaya's rainbow drinker powers with god tier powers so, lateral move.

[TantamountTurnabout]

tell dave to face away from the stairs and then back long jump for fifty seven frames while holding zillyhoo until the stored momentum launches him through Sburb's geometry fast enough to take him directly to the thanks for playing screen without hitting a kill frame

[vidaro]

Get Eridan laid. Everything could be fixed if Eridan got laid. Sollux and Feferi would still be fully alive and fully operational. The entire Gamzee Scenario could have been avoided or at least shortened if the duel was avoided as Karkat wouldn't be having a panic attack meltdown and could have been a better moirail sooner. At least you could have Eridan off him before he did too much damage and then send Vriska, Eridan, Kanaya, Sollux, and Feferi to go 5v1 Jack and preemptively chase him down. Vriska nearly solo'd him 8d8. If you had gotten Eridan laid you could utilize him, his angels, Sollux, and Kanaya to embellish her offense while guarding Feferi for any emergency heals or revives and have a potentially still alive and somewhat sane Gamzee (depending on if Karkat or Eridan got to him first) around to distract and potentially rage on Jack like he did the Black King. Every single problem in Homestuck can be boiled down to Eridan and his Ancestor's virginity.

[itsyaboybigBerd]

You couldn't stop Gamzee from becoming the harbinger of the Dark Carnival, it's in his blood. There is no timeline in which sweet, lovable Gamzee doesn't turn into the murderclown he was meant to be.

[BrobyDDark]

You couldn't stop Gamzee from becoming the harbinger of the Dark Carnival, it's in his blood. There is no timeline in which sweet, lovable Gamzee doesn't turn into the murderclown he was meant to be.

The timeline where you kill him.

[itsyaboybigBerd]

*gasp* what an honor that would be xD

[TantamountTurnabout]

Get Eridan laid. Everything could be fixed if Eridan got laid. Sollux and Feferi would still be fully alive and fully operational. The entire Gamzee Scenario could have been avoided or at least shortened if the duel was avoided as Karkat wouldn't be having a panic attack meltdown and could have been a better moirail sooner. At least you could have Eridan off him before he did too much damage and then send Vriska, Eridan, Kanaya, Sollux, and Feferi to go 5v1 Jack and preemptively chase him down. Vriska nearly solo'd him 8d8. If you had gotten Eridan laid you could utilize him, his angels, Sollux, and Kanaya to embellish her offense while guarding Feferi for any emergency heals or revives and have a potentially still alive and somewhat sane Gamzee (depending on if Karkat or Eridan got to him first) around to distract and potentially rage on Jack like he did the Black King. Every single problem in Homestuck can be boiled down to Eridan and his Ancestor's virginity.

Hmm! Not fully of base here! I feel like Eridan is usually forgotten as a character because he's so abrasive and unpleasant to interact with, but he does act as the first and most escalating force for the meteor going Lord of the Flies. I don't think it's simply a matter of "Getting eridan laid", but it's not completely wild to assert that a relationship could do a lot for getting him to sort his shit out.
Eridan has a massive superiority complex built on an upbringing of blood caste propaganda, but he's also starved for affection and intimacy. He pushes the other trolls away because his upbringing tells him he's allowed to, he's supposed to even, but then finds himself increasingly isolated and disconnected. He has huge vulnerabilities, but has cut off any way to safely explore or express it, compensating by leaning in to his bloodcaste position over anything else. A relationship with someone could enable him to open up about his vulnerabilities, and come to better understand himself and others. If he had reason to question his investment in the blood caste system, it could help him treat the other trolls with more empathy and become at the very least a less deeply unpleasant person.

Two questions I have then are Who and When. Who would be most suited to satisfying not only Eridan's need for attention and affection, but also confront his toxic issues and force him to grow as a person, And most likely to actually put up with his bullshit long enough for him to actually improve? When to splice their relationship into the timeline, before the troll's session, during, or after while they're on the meteor?

[TantamountTurnabout]

You couldn't stop Gamzee from becoming the harbinger of the Dark Carnival, it's in his blood. There is no timeline in which sweet, lovable Gamzee doesn't turn into the murderclown he was meant to be.

Hm! Kind of a weird fatalistic take to say that individuals actions are determined entirely by their blood! Sounds kinda problematic!
Not to mention that gamzee is implied to be in the same blood caste as Kurloz, who might be the member of a weird psychic doomsday cult but never went full rage mode and murdered all his friends. Also there's such a huge quantity of dead timeline characters in dream bubbles, I'd be really hard pressed for none of them to either have ended before gamzee went on a murder spree, or it just didn't occur.
While I think that Gamzee might have been struggling with rage issues for a while, self (and Over) medicating with sopor slime, I don't think it's inherent that those issues Must present themselves through a bloodbath of his friends. We even see Karkat get him down to a more calm emotional baseline with nothing but pap shooshing, so it's not like he can't be stopped even if/when he does flip out.
Honestly Gamzee doesn't get nearly enough character exploration for how much the story uses or references him on and after the meteor. He's not emotionally affected or responsive to anything, he's either Evil or a Punchline. He's an object that other characters have to react to, but who doesn't have any thoughts or motivations himself.

[TantamountTurnabout]

Get Eridan laid.

Two questions I have then are Who and When.

Examining the first question of Who. Hm.
Karkat would definitely be confrontational enough to throw eridan's issues back at him, And he's also weirdly obsessed with romance so he would be invested in The Relationship if he felt it had a reason behind it. His hidden blood caste could add an interesting twist as well since Eridan (if he cared) couldn't be entirely certain of how to treat Karkat, which could throw a necessary wrench into his own relationship with the caste system. It might be hard to get this one rolling since they're both so abrasive (and you're competing with the extant Karezi interactions), but once it takes off it might have more potential than you'd expect.
Aradia might be useful as a way for Eridan to vent, because she doesn't care about anything and as such wouldn't respond to anything so he wouldn't have anything to lose by opening up to her. Unfortunately she also wouldn't provide any confrontation because she wouldn't care, so it's just Eridan talking to himself which he's basically already doing.
Tavros is too low on the social and blood caste hierarchy for Eridan to respect for like, a second. Terezi has too much self respect.Equius might work by showing Eridan how creepy and weird it is to care so much about the caste system, but probably not as a sustainable relationship or anything. Nepeta ? Ok i feel like Nepeta is a possibility. She's earnest about her interests and passions, regardless of what others think, she's cringe but free. She also reciprocates attention; if you're willing to RP with her, she'll be invested in what you're doing or what you have to say. This could force Eridan into letting go of his pretensions and being more honest and open with others and himself about his thoughts and feelings. Maybe? Idk this one's a bit of a toss up.

Why am I weirdly coming around to Erikat the more I think about it. Wouldn't even be that hard to implement too, just drop a note to karkat that's like "you have to seduce eridan trust me ok" maybe implied that it's from normal time travel shenanigans and not Retcon shenanigans. Just enough motivation to get Karkat begrudgingly talking with him. Even if it starts off antagonistic, it gives Eridan a reliable source of attention and interest, a social connection he can rely on. Give Romance Novel Brain Karkat enough time and talk, and he'll start seeing where Eridan's issues really are, and pushing for Eridan to be a better person, not just out of frustration, but out of a genuine belief that he can improve, and that he's worth the effort. Enemies to bros. This is a strat this is how we can win. _{(Bros or.... maybe even something... more)}